


strawberries & cigarettes

by amyzers



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, I mean kind of, also why is this so long, but still, but this fic isn't, chaeyu is so soft, ok I'll shut up now, thats what she said, whatever youll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 11:16:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19172167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyzers/pseuds/amyzers
Summary: long nights, daydreams, sugar and smoke rings, i've been a fool. but strawberries and cigarettes, always taste like you.ortzuyu seeks comfort in the timeless hours of night, but instead finds it in a girl she meets along the way.





	strawberries & cigarettes

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by strawberries & cigarettes by troye sivan.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYI0E_Wr1gM
> 
> after you listen to that, put troye on shuffle as you read :)

Tzuyu came across the denim jacket by mistake. Her breath hitched and her hands shook as she took it out of the drawer, buried deep under other lost articles. She didn't know she kept it.

Falling back onto her bed, she laid the jacket across her lap, smoothing the creases and treating it with distant care. She stared at its intricacies, noticing details so small only days of observation could unfold them.

Five years, and nothing had changed.

The same stitches were hidden in the right sleeve, the same burnt marks strained the left wing. A tentative breath, and it still carried the same smell of strawberries and cigarettes.

Long nights and lost time, memories she didn't know she kept, fluttered past her heart like a plume of smoke. Even now, the mere sight of the thing affected her just like before.

Bittersweet.

Five years, and everything was still the same.

She sighed and closed her eyes, letting herself succumb to times long since passed.

~

_five years ago_

_~_

Tzuyu tiptoed through the hall, making sure to close the door behind her as quietly as she could. The frosty air bit her instantly, piercing through the fabric of her clothes and forcing her to curl her arms around herself, hoping to generate the semblance of warmth. She shivered, and the foggy cloud that formed at the heat of her breath was stark against the night sky.

She didn't care that it was two am, or that the streetlights littered along the length of the sidewalk only added more omen to the darkness of it all. She didn't care about anything. She just needed some air.

Her walk began with hurried steps, partly to bring her body temperature up to reasonable standards, mostly to get her as far away from familiarity as possible. New places meant new thoughts, and Tzuyu would do anything to just hit the reset button, to start over.

But only a minute had gone by until her pace slowed down, (or maybe it was thirty, she wasn't sure). The concept of time didn't exist in these hours of the night, where the sane people were sound asleep, and the people like Tzuyu were left with the rest of the world. She was grateful, to be honest. If limbo existed outside of death, it would be right here, she reasoned, on the streets of this blue neighbourhood.

Late night strolls were meant to be refreshing, the golden opportunity to clear one's head and to collect oneself. Tzuyu needed the air, needed to breathe, but more than anything, she just wanted everything to stop.

So maybe it was an act of fate when her hopes were suddenly fulfilled.

"Light my cigarette?"

Tzuyu stopped in her tracks, whipping around furiously to catch a glimpse of the unexpected voice.

There was a small chuckle, and Tzuyu traced the sound directly to her left, following the momentum to see the shadow of a girl perched upon the hood of a vintage car. The car was parked strategically in between two streetlights, at the one point where the brightness of both ebbed away, just shy of meeting the other, and in effect leaving a single blind spot. She wondered if the girl picked the spot for that reason.

She ambled to her instinctively.

Tzuyu didn't know what to say, just eyed the lighter set carelessly on the car's blue finish, then the tail of a cigarette waiting in the girl's lips, and put two and two together. Completely void of autonomy in that second, she picked up the metal box and set fire to the dangling tube of paper and nicotine.

As the girl took a long huff of the drug, Tzuyu took her in full. From afar the darkness added a couple of inches here and there, but up close, under the pretense of luminosity, she saw that the girl was much smaller than she seemed.

Suede boots, black jeans, and the biggest denim jacket she had ever seen covered the girl's entire frame. She was tiny, bite-sized, but something about her told Tzuyu that she was way tougher than she seemed.

The puff of smoke that was kindly directed in the opposite direction slowly reeled Tzuyu from her daze. Then the girl's alluring voice did the rest of the trick.

"Want one? Looks like you could use it." She placed the stick in her mouth and moved to retrieve a packet from the pocket of her jacket, but Tzuyu shook her head.

"No thank you."

The girl stopped fidgeting and shrugged. "Suit yourself," she said, taking another huff and blowing it towards the sky.

Tzuyu simply stood there, dumbfounded, unsure what to do next. Should she resume her walk and mind her own business, or should she keep this mystery girl company and pray for the best? From the looks of her, it didn't look like she needed it, but Tzuyu knew better than to judge from first impressions. Who knew what she was doing out so late? Maybe she was a serial killer. Maybe she was on the run. Or maybe she was just like Tzuyu. There was no way to tell, so she stayed right where she was, unwilling to take another step unless instructed.

And at Tzuyu's obvious determination to stay, the girl raised a questioning brow.

"I've never seen you around here. Are you new to town?"

Tzuyu bit her lip and looked at her feet. "No, just needed some air is all, maybe walked a little farther than I should've."

"Well no need to be embarrassed by it," the girl comforted. "We all have days like that. C'mon," she tapped the empty space beside her, "take a seat. I'm Chaeyoung, by the way."

Tzuyu hopped on without a second thought, smiling a little too much at the display of welcomeness. "Tzuyu."

She extended out her hand and was surprised by the warmth Chaeyoung carried in her fingers.

They shared a moment of silence together, like Chaeyoung knew it was Tzuyu's first time amidst the puzzling ambiance of night and needed to adjust.

Tzuyu took in the quiet with open arms, thankful for being able to enjoy the experience for the first time. It would've happened anyway, predictably alone, but somehow it was better with the company of a girl she just met.

They weren't silent for too long, but in that time Tzuyu watched Chaeyoung take another drag of her cigarette, blew her own puff of wintry air, and counted a handful of stars, so it was long enough.

Their bodies seemed to be attuned to the same constellations, because Chaeyoung was ready to listen before Tzuyu had said a word.

"So are you taking a break from your trip, or just stopping to enjoy the view?" Tzuyu inquired, alluding to the car they were sitting on.

"What? Oh, no," Chaeyoung denied. "I can't even drive," she laughed.

Tzuyu gaped at her, slightly horrified. "Then whose car is this?"

"My neighbor's. They don't mind, if that's what you're worried about. I live right there, actually." She pointed to the house just left of where they settled.

"Oh," Tzuyu weakly responded.

Once again, briefly, the sound of nothing overtook them.

While her own reached the ground, Tzuyu caught sight of Chaeyoung's feet dangling from the edge of the vehicle, swaying playfully back and forth like a toddler's. Chaeyoung might have offered the impression of maturity, but when the essence of childhood innocence peeked from her behaviors, like her inability to keep still or the dimple that never lost its place on her cheek, Tzuyu couldn't help but grow soft from the spectacle.

"So what brings you here?" Chaeyoung asked.

Now Tzuyu saw the question coming from miles away, but she wasn't quite sure what her stance was on spilling her whole life's story right then and there.

Chaeyoung (bless her soul) seemed to pick up on her hesitance and gave her a reassuring smile. She was really good at that.

"No pressure," she eased, "but if you ever want to talk about it, you can find me here every night."

" _Every_ night?"

Chaeyoung chuckled, a little sarcastically, a little scornfully. "You're not the only one who needs air, Tzuyu. We all have our demons. It's just, for me, I need it whenever I can get it, and these timeless hours are my best shot."

"Woah," Tzuyu breathed, combing a hand through her hair, "no need to get all dark on me."

"Isn't that why we're here, though?" Chaeyoung met her eyes, and for someone so young, her gaze was so old, so tired. There was a hint of finality to her words, something open-ended that called for individual interpretation and thought.

Tzuyu couldn't say she was surprised when Chaeyoung abruptly slid off the hood of the car, taking one last drag of her cigarette before putting it out against the left wing of her jacket, then crushing it under her foot. Not surprised. But a little disappointed, maybe.

"I'll leave you to it, then. You should have some time for yourself." Chaeyoung smiled, a small one, but it was genuine, despite the flake of pity it adorned. "Take as long as you need. Trust me. It'll all be worth the wait."

And with that remark, Chaeyoung turned onto the sidewalk and headed for her house. Her boots echoed continually, until the sound drowned to nothing, the lights failed to catch the color of her denim jacket, and she was gone. She didn't look back.

Tzuyu sighed, following the trail of smoke all the way to the brightest star. She braced her body against outstretched arms and let herself enjoy this moment to herself. This wasn't how she planned her night to go. However, unknowingly, uncharacteristically, she smiled too.

She wanted everything to stop, but maybe getting pulled into a whole new world was the next best thing.

 

* * *

 

The next day held something Tzuyu never would've fathomed: hope. Excitement, even. The threat of another sleepless night wasn't as agonizing when she had something, _someone,_ to look forward to. It wasn't on purpose, but perhaps her heart would beg to differ, with how it guided her feet naturally along the same path as yesterday.

The word to describe how she felt was relieved. Relieved to reach the same shadows in which a vintage blue car parked, and relieved to see an equally vintage girl resting on top of it.

She wasted no time to stare; it'd be easier to do that up close, anyway.

"Back so soon?"

Tzuyu hid her blush under the locks of hair, thrown off at her bluntness. She rocked on the balls of her feet, suddenly shy at the presence of this girl. "Y-Yeah."

She may have come off as harsh, but Chaeyoung's features instantly softened at the sight. In fact, she smiled, (a rarity for her, not that Tzuyu would ever know).

"Good," Chaeyoung whispered, looking just as shy. "I was waiting for you."

Tzuyu perked at that. "You were?" she asked, a little too eagerly.

"Don't flatter yourself," Chaeyoung teased, but something about her demeanor said that she was just as eager. "Stay here."

Chaeyoung jumped onto the pavement, a bounce in her step as she made to walk away.

"Wait!" Tzuyu jerked to catch Chaeyoung's arm, rethought her actions, and let her shoulder lax before any contact could be made. Instead, she let her words speak. "Where are you going?"

"Don't worry, I'll be back," she tried to assure, but at Tzuyu's look of doubt, Chaeyoung linked their hands together and gave a firm squeeze. "Trust me."

And before she had the chance to process what just happened, Chaeyoung had slid away, and Tzuyu had only an ever frosting hand to remember her by.

Tzuyu clicked her tongue and fiddled side to side, unable to hold her place without the other girl to keep her grounded. The hood of the car looked terribly attractive though, and she simply couldn't resist the urge to hop on as she waited for Chaeyoung to come back. (It wasn't like she had anything better to do without her.)

There wasn't much to do there, actually. Her options included: star gazing, house watching, and smoking (for some). She wondered what exactly Chaeyoung would do for all those nights, all those hours, before she came around. Did she count the stars? Relive the good old days? Waste away an entire packet? She made a mental note to ask her another day, if the occasion ever arose.

Chaeyoung returned quickly, her denim jacket two sizes too big shuffling in harmony with her step. There was a package in her arms, and she set it down to as she mounted the car.

"What's in there?" Tzuyu asked, eyeing the box suspiciously.

The grin on Chaeyoung's face could only be described as mischievous. Her fingers worked meticulously to open the container, and in the back of her head, Tzuyu prayed it wasn't a bomb.

Chaeyoung went from devilish to proud in the span of popping off the lid and revealing its contents. "Dessert."

Tzuyu was blank as paper. "What?"

"Look!" Chaeyoung bared the inside of the box with unparalleled joy, like a mom showing off her newborn child to every passerby. "Strawberries!"

Tzuyu's jaw dropped. " _Strawberries?_ "

"Yeah!"

She squinted. Compared to last time, Chaeyoung was awfully cheerful and way more energetic. Frankly, it took a bit to adjust. (She wondered if it had anything to do with her.)

"Have some." Chaeyoung nudged the box of fruit in Tzuyu's direction, her dimple more present than ever, and the juice of a bite just centimeters from dripping down her chin.

Tzuyu chuckled and took one gratefully. It was sweet.

"I normally eat these inside, after dinner," Chaeyoung explained between mouthfuls, "but today, I don't know. I thought I'd save them until now, so we could share them."

The depth of the shadows was not high, but Tzuyu hoped to God it was enough to hide her flushed cheeks. "That's really nice of you," she observed. "Thank you."

They munched in almost silence for a while, happily content in shared independence, until there was only one left in the container.

"Here, take the last one."

Tzuyu gently took the last strawberry, savoring each bite in a subliminal tribute to what their future might hold. And even though there weren't any left, the air still shimmered with the sweet scent of the surprising fruit.

The distraction of dessert aside, Tzuyu noticed a difference in the atmosphere. Everything was the same as yesterday though, and she just couldn't quite place her finger on it. The way Chaeyoung's feet swung freely over the edge of the car, the way Chaeyoung looked so small in her denim jacket, the way Chaeyoung's hands lay idly by her side—wait.

Tzuyu tilted her head. "No cigarette this time?"

Chaeyoung scrunched her nose. "Nah, it doesn't go well with strawberries."

"There's no more left, though."

She shrugged and sighed. "I like to let the taste linger."

"Fair enough."

They allowed the end of that segment to lead into a comfortable silence, something they had yet to enjoy, (together, at least). Talking was nice, but quiet was too.

Tzuyu flashed back to the question she wanted to ask Chaeyoung, ( _what do you do all night?_ ), but one glance over, and she might've already gotten her answer. She never had the proper opportunity to _look_ at Chaeyoung, had saved it for later, but later was here and ticking away by the second. Tzuyu felt a small smile grace her features.

Chaeyoung was beautiful. Not to be melodramatic, but with her wavy hair cascading along the flow of gravity, alongside a face upturned to a moonlight highlighting all of her perfections, she might have been an angel.

"Do you always stare at the stars?" Tzuyu asked.

Chaeyoung cracked a grin at that, but she didn't break her eyes from the sky. "All the time. Well," she paused, "most of the time."

"What changed?"

"I used to only look at the stars, but recently," and for this Chaeyoung _did_ tear her gaze away to land it right on Tzuyu, "I've found myself staring at you more than anything else."

Tzuyu's eyebrows shot up, then she blinked a couple of times, shook her head in wonderment, and finally laughed, a big hearty laugh she hadn't had in so long she forgot the feeling of it. She nudged Chaeyoung on the shoulder, (a little harder and she would've pushed her off the car).

"Shut up," she managed to gasp between breaths.

Chaeyoung's grin reached its peak that night, one that made her cheeks ache, one that she hadn't had in so long she forgot the feeling of it.

They supposed these rediscoveries of emotion were just the effect of the other, something they'd happily accept if it meant their next night together was a guarantee. And with how their bodies had slowly inched closer, how their pinkies touched ever so slightly, they supposed it was a mutual agreement to ignore these subtleties as well, if meant that they'd stay just like that.

"Doesn't it get boring, though?" Tzuyu carried on. "Staring at the stars, I mean." she clarified.

"Are you implying that staring at you _isn't_ boring?" Chaeyoung smirked, cutting Tzuyu off before she had the chance to correct her. "Because you'd be right."

She rolled her eyes. "Seriously, doesn't it get old? It's not like the stars go anywhere."

"Exactly."

Tzuyu gave her a puzzled look. "What do you mean 'exactly'?"

Chaeyoung sighed and reverted her sights back to the sky, like her answer was directed to them instead. "They're the only ones who stay for me, so it's only courtesy that I stay for them."

Unsure what to say next, Tzuyu adjusted her body to a more comfortable position. "So you're only staring out of courtesy? Seems like the opposite of courtesy if you ask me." She winced at her remark, chiding herself for saying something so callous.

Chaeyoung didn't seem to mind, though, just kept her eyes up above.

"It's more than that," she continued. "I want to live with the stars."

And to this, Tzuyu stared, but not at the stars. No, she stared at Chaeyoung.

Chaeyoung's eyes were incredible, her greatest feature that belied any semblance of the rebellious image she constructed for herself. In fact, right then and there, blinking them in solitude as she stared at the sky, it was clear that they carried hope, if even the smallest spark of it.

But Tzuyu couldn't help but mask a frown at Chaeyoung's wish, something so seemingly innocent and evidently sacred. She couldn't explain why, but she was scared, scared that if she dug too deep into possible actions and underlying meanings, she wouldn't like what she'd find. But she wouldn't let her fears get the best of her, not now, at least. So, before she got that far, she would lift them up before they could fall down.

She poked Chaeyoung's arm. "No need to get all cheesy on me."

Chaeyoung lifted her brow and looked back down at Tzuyu, mischievous once more, (but her glint of hope never left). "When I go to the stars, promise you won't miss me too much?"

Tzuyu snorted and breathed away the tension. "In your dreams."

A pause, then Chaeyoung chuckled and shook her head. "Yeah. I guess."

Unannounced and unexpectedly, Chaeyoung sighed and leaned forward, letting science take its course to push her feet onto the cement, standing up and solid. Cradling the empty container in her arms, she gave one lasting smile to Tzuyu.

"I'll see you around, then."

"See you."

After a cute little wave, Chaeyoung was shuffling back to her house in her suede boots, black jeans, and a denim jacket that was way too big for her.

And just like yesterday, Tzuyu was left alone to her own thoughts and imagination, wherever they might take her. (But, in following the trend of the past twenty-four hours, they guided her to Chaeyoung.)

The first time she snuck out of her house was with the intention of getting away from all her problems. Chaeyoung seemed to have the same reason, and Tzuyu thanked the heavens for that. She really couldn't have asked for someone better to share her nights with.

 

* * *

 

The sound of shattered glass and broken screams were enough to make her lock the door and hide under the faux-protection of blasting headphones and thick blankets. However, even the deafening music and inches of hardwood weren't enough to drown out the endless strings of pain that racked the house to its core—that racked Tzuyu to near insanity.

 _"I swear to God_ _I'll kill you before you have the chance to do it yourself!"_

_"Not if I kill you first, you wretched bitch!"_

_"We'll see in a couple months then, won't we? When we can finally leave this hellhole."_

_"I can't fucking wait."_

She buried her head in the confines of her pillow, daring to hope for peace knowing full well it wasn't attainable. It didn't get any quieter; it didn't get any calmer. And it never got better. She should've been used to it by now, but the tremors still shook her body. It never stopped being scary, the imminence of it all.

Tzuyu didn't go out that night.

 

* * *

 

The nearing footsteps were loud, deliberate, angry.

Chaeyoung leaned over to the sound, creasing her brow in confusion and concern. When Tzuyu arrived, looking serious, stoic, but more than anything, _drained_ , Chaeyoung knew exactly how the night would play out. It was inevitable, really. She just didn't think it would happen so soon.

Tzuyu didn't stall, didn't waste any time to find her place on the car and sigh.

"I need a cigarette."

And to that, Chaeyoung reeled a bit. So it was worse than she thought. Nonetheless, she fished out her packet of cigarettes and stole two out. One for Tzuyu, one for herself. She didn't question it, knew it was none of her business.

Tzuyu plucked the cigarette hastily, and Chaeyoung scrambled to get the lighter out to satisfy her needs. She clicked it alive.

The fire brought with it a moment of illumination, bright enough for Chaeyoung to catch the lamentation so blatant in Tzuyu's eyes, before she switched the trigger close and darkness swallowed them whole.

Not five seconds from her first drag, Tzuyu started coughing violently, erratic plumes of premature smoke erupting from her throat. She grimaced. It tasted awful. Bitter. Yet the butt of the cigarette still found its way back to her quivering lips.

Chaeyoung had only known Tzuyu for three nights, with barely any time spent bonding during each, but the sight of Tzuyu forcefully sucking the cancer again and again until she was doubled over in another agonizing fit, it pained her. It pained her as well, the fact that she couldn't do anything to help her. Because in the end, she was just the same, wasn't she?

Tzuyu scowled and took a break, her hand falling limp to her thigh. Her voice was hoarse with strain. "These are terrible. How can you stand them?"

"The same reason you still have it in your hand right now." Chaeyoung tried to comfort her, but her smile came out sad and knowing. She released a full cloud of wisdom with her breath.

The sight alone made Tzuyu want to gag.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" Chaeyoung continued. "It's gross. But with enough hatred towards this stupid little stick, you eventually forget about everything else. You get used to it after a while."

"Makes sense, I guess."

Tzuyu frowned and considered her situation, staring from the cigarette between her fingers, to the ground where she could extinguish it all, to the black stains on Chaeyoung's denim jacket, then finally, to the stars dotted in the sky.

She threw the cigarette to the ground and stomped it to dust. The ashes remained where they died, swirling and floating, taunting and ghastly, a mark to remind her that respite was never permanent.

Chaeyoung cleared her throat, allowing time for Tzuyu to resettle. It was none of her business, but she couldn't live with herself if she didn't at least try.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Chaeyoung tried, in a whisper so tentative it was almost blown away.

"No," Tzuyu whispered, just as tentative. "I don't want to talk about it."

Tzuyu sighed. She looked more relaxed than when she first walked over—still tense, on edge and stiff as stone, but not so much ready to snap at any inconvenience. Maybe the nicotine was kicking in. (Chaeyoung liked to think that it was just as much her effect as the drug.)

"Okay. I'm here though, if you ever want to." Chaeyoung smiled, still small, still genuine, and still with a flake of pity.

"I know. Thank you." Tzuyu smiled back. "'I'm here, too, if you ever want to talk about anything."

"I know."

The rest of the night was spent in silence.

Just two bodies, engulfed in a wall of smoke and sorrow, staring at the stars and wishing for more, wishing for better. They had no belief in any of their wishes coming true, but somehow, as they sat together in frost atop a vintage blue car, somehow, that made their wildest dreams seem just a little more possible. Only time would tell.

 

* * *

 

Tzuyu felt better the next day. She had Chaeyoung to thank for that.

She had Chaeyoung to thank for a lot of things, she supposed.

 

* * *

 

The cigarette, she could admit with a lot of guilt, was incredibly tempting in the loose hold of Chaeyoung's outstretched fingers. But, with a copious amount of willpower, she managed to deflect the urge, if only barely.

Chaeyoung lowered her hand at Tzuyu's polite denial, propping the stick in her own mouth instead. She lit it to life.

"No smoke today?" she mumbled.

Tzuyu cringed. "No smoke ever."

She might have gotten used to the bitter scent, but there was no chance in hell that she could ever get used to the disgusting taste.

Chaeyoung nodded approvingly and smiled internally. Maybe there was hope after all, that Tzuyu wouldn't end up like her.

Tzuyu's sigh conjured the mirror image of smoke in shadow, and she decided the sight was just as magical as the real thing. She clicked her tongue and looked down, not quite in the mood for dazzling stars and unattainable dreams.

The same denim jacket consumed Chaeyoung's body, and Tzuyu squinted at something she thought she saw. Small lines were inscribed in the right sleeve, almost completely hidden under baggy creases.

"What's that?" Tzuyu pointed at the design in question.

"Huh?" Chaeyoung followed the direction of her nails. "Oh, nothing." She straightened her sleeve to reveal _c.y._ stitched neatly in white. "Just something my grandma did for me a while back."

"You know you've worn this thing every night I've been out here?" Tzuyu highlighted, amused.

"Yeah it's—I just", Chaeyoung traced her fingers over the lettering, the affection overflowing with each stroke, "I feel safe in it." She flashed a grin. "Smells nice, too."

"The smell of cigarettes is _nice_ to you?" Tzuyu asked, baffled.

"I meant the strawberries, but I don't mind that smokey smell."

"I thought you didn't mix the two."

"I was talking about the taste. Plus," Chaeyoung sniffed the collar of her jacket, "it's kind of nice. A little bitter, a little sweet."

Tzuyu inched in and got a whiff of the aroma. She inched back in surprise. It wasn't _terrible_ , per se. "I mean I… smell your point."

Chaeyoung relished in a drag to prove her point. "Told you."

The little embers on the edge of the cigarette made Tzuyu wince. "Smoking's bad for you, you know." She glanced at the packet peeking out of the jacket pocket, worried.

A scoff was Chaeyoung's natural response. "You telling me to quit, too?"

"No," Tzuyu was quick to shoot down. "It's your choice and all. I just like the sound of your voice, and I'd prefer it if it didn't get all raspy."

A blush erupted from Chaeyoung's cheeks, and the next time her elbow bent to put the cigarette in her mouth, she hesitated. "How about this? I'll quit when I get my life together. Can't go to the stars until I do, anyway," she added wistfully. "How's that sound?"

Tzuyu smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

A fitting way to end another night, Chaeyoung pressed the end of her cigarette against her denim jacket and moved to slide off the car. Tzuyu caught her wrist before her feet touched the ground.

"Wait."

Chaeyoung looked back, curiously, patiently, hopefully.

"You know, you always leave so soon. Is it because—Am I," Tzuyu loosened her hold and bit her lip, her outermost shield crumbling away little piece by little piece. "Do I make you uncomfortable? Because I realize I never actually _asked_ you if I could keep on coming back and maybe you were just too nice to say anything and I just kept on coming back and wow," she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Now that I've said it out loud I feel really bad. Damn. I'm really sorry—"

" _Tzuyu_ ," Chaeyoung coaxed. "Breathe."

And so she did, they both did, and more than anything, Chaeyoung found it endearing, the way how all of Tzuyu's insecurities had ruptured so suddenly. It showed how genuine she was, how _real_ this was, whatever 'this' was.

"I'm sorry," Tzuyu apologized after collecting herself. "I don't know where that came from."

Chaeyoung's eyes grew soft. Everything about her was soft when it came to Tzuyu. "How about I walk you home today?"

Tzuyu frowned. "You don't have to do that."

"I want to." Chaeyoung fidgeted, the guilt transferring from Tzuyu to herself through their lightly touching fingertips. "If anything, as an apology for all those times I left. In retrospect," she chuckled, "that was kind of shitty of me."

Tzuyu's eyebrows were creased in debate, ready to protest again. But then she made the mistake of looking directly into Chaeyoung's eyes, saw the sincerity that flowed into her own, saw the stars that already lived in there, and let it go. "Okay."

"Good."

Chaeyoung grinned, so goofy and toothy and the perfect complement to her dimple, that Tzuyu couldn't help but grin herself.

All too eagerly, they jumped off the car in unison, hand in hand as they made their walk home.

(Chaeyoung's hand was very soft. Tzuyu never wanted to let go.)

Tzuyu was frugal with the number of times she glanced over to the happy girl by her side, who was so lost in her own world she really shouldn't have been worried about being caught staring. Ripping a chapter from Chaeyoung's book, Tzuyu found herself wandering into her own world, too.

There were two ideas that never entirely left her train of thought.

  1. Looking into Chaeyoung's eyes was _never_ a mistake. (She saw the stars in them, after all.)
  2. If Chaeyoung already had the stars in her eyes, why would she ever want to leave?



Tzuyu's vision switched between Chaeyoung's peaceful face and their intertwined hands. Then she thought back to their days gone by.  

On their second night, Chaeyoung said she stayed with the stars because they stayed with her. If Tzuyu stayed with Chaeyoung, would Chaeyoung stay with her?

Tzuyu wasn't sure if this was a question she wanted to know the answer to. But, looking down at Chaeyoung's feet walking with an extra hop in their step, then back up to the goofy and toothy grin that had yet to leave her smile, Tzuyu resolved to stay as long as Chaeyoung would let her.

She'd known her for a week, but if forever was what it took for Chaeyoung to stay by her side, then so be it. (It wasn't like she had anything better to look forward to, to come back home to.)

Tzuyu snapped to life and stopped. Chaeyoung stopped with her.

"This is it."

"Oh. Okay."

Chaeyoung sounded disappointed, but Tzuyu couldn't figure out why. Neither of them talked the whole trip back.

"I'll see you tomorrow then."

Reluctantly, Tzuyu slowly untangled their fingers, and she may have imagined it, but Chaeyoung seemed to be just as reluctant. Tzuyu's hand slumped back to her side, empty, and she turned to head inside.

"Wait," Chaeyoung blurted.

Tzuyu whipped back anxiously.

"Give me your number," she said.

"Why?" Tzuyu asked, but she was already reaching for her phone in her back pocket.

Chaeyoung smirked, the stars in her eyes twinkling just the same, but maybe with an added serving of impish knowing and characteristic mischief. "Trust me."

And well, Tzuyu would be lying if she said she didn't already trust this girl with all her being.

Now fresh with a new set of digits, Chaeyoung handed back the phone.

Tzuyu was going to ask more questions, but Chaeyoung effectively shut her up with a swift kiss upon her cheek.

"Rest well, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

And without a glance back, Chaeyoung skipped back into the shadows of the sidewalk.

Chaeyoung was long gone before Tzuyu started working again. She was like a statue, or perhaps a code-breaking machine still trying to process what had just happened. Shaking fingers touched the spot Chaeyoung's lips had met her cheek. Just half a second, that was it, but it was enough to make all the blood in her body stop running for one hundred.

Her hand dropped down, still warm, and for the first time, Tzuyu opened the front door of her house with a smile on her face.

That girl was going to kill her.

 

* * *

 

Her phone chimed at two on the dot.

_chae [2:00 am]: look outside_

_tzuyu [2:00 am]: why??_

_chae [2:01 am]: just do it you wimp_

And so she did, opened the curtains of her bedroom window and took a look outside. Needless to say, it wasn't a sight she expected.

Now Chaeyoung always looked small, but from fifty feet away, drowned in her denim jacket and inconsistent lighting, she looked like an ant (a cute one, though). She stood under a conveniently placed streetlight, warm and comfortable against a very familiar vintage blue car. She gave a little wave, and that was all it took to have Tzuyu sprinting down the stairs to meet her there.

Chaeyoung was sucking on a strawberry when she opened the door, a full container of it resting precariously on the hood of a car they sat on every night, and without a cigarette in view. "Took you long enough."

Completely ignoring her remark, Tzuyu finished her stride and nodded to the car. "What's up with that? Felt bad about leaving so soon, so you brought the party to me?"

"You wish," Chaeyoung huffed.

She held out the box of strawberries, to which Tzuyu took one gratefully.

Chaeyoung waited for Tzuyu to take a bite before she smacked the shiny metal fawningly. "We're going for a ride."

Tzuyu spat out red. She wiped her mouth with distaste. "We're _what?_ "

"Going for a ride." She popped open the passenger door and presented it with an open palm. "C'mon," she enticed. "It'll be fun."

"You can't even drive," Tzuyu argued, but she was already making her way over.

Chaeyoung grinned and met her inside, running around the front and onto the driver's seat. (Don't worry. The strawberries weren't forgotten.)

"I can't drive well, but I'm not _terrible_." Chaeyoung turned the keys and the engine revved up. "Side note: that was also all the convincing Momo needed for her to let me borrow her car."

"Chae. This is illegal."

Chaeyoung smirked. "Only if we get caught." She shifted the gears to drive. "Also, Chae?"

Tzuyu rolled her eyes and buckled her seatbelt. "Just shut up and drive, loser."

She slammed the gas and they were out in a blink. "Yes, ma'am."

\--

They didn't get very far.

Driving everywhere, going nowhere, Chaeyoung strained the pedal, racing to sixty. The streets were barren, traffic lights always on green, and it was a miracle they didn't get pulled over (or die).

At some point, the windows rolled down, and Tzuyu stuck her hand outside for a taste of wind of freedom. She laughed, her fear long since dissipated in favor of just enjoying the moment. There wasn't another car in sight, no lonely pedestrians wandering the pavement, nothing to tell her not to—so Tzuyu screamed.

She screamed her heart out, so loud and unexpected that the car faltered. But then Chaeyoung caught on, and soon they were going faster than ever, and Chaeyoung was screaming just as loud. They screamed, because there was no one to scream at them first, no one to say they couldn't, and someone right by their side to do it too.

They didn't know how long they kept like that, screaming into nothing as night seeped like a bullet through the cracks of the car.  But eventually, their throats got sore, Chaeyoung couldn't stop coughing, Tzuyu couldn't stop laughing at Chaeyoung coughing, and they pulled into the nearest parking lot.

Luckily, there was a 7/11 just across their car. So naturally, they locked eyes, synced a nod, and exited the car in record time.

They returned with ice cream and an absurd amount of candy bars. (What could they say? Chaeyoung was a sucker for sweets, and Tzuyu was a sucker for her. Or was it the other way around?)

Tzuyu sighed, cherishing her last scoop of frozen hot chocolate ice cream and pouting when she saw the white bottom. She set the tub down and leaned farther onto the hood of the car, looking over to the girl who still magically had half a portion left.

"Thank you for this."

Chaeyoung looked over questioningly, a spoon of strawberry (go figure) flavored goodness still coating the rim of the plastic and the edge of her mouth. "For what?"

"For this." Tzuyu made a weak gesture to encompass their last twenty minutes. The car, the night, the 7/11. She shrugged. "It's been a while since I've been out, like, past the extent of our neighbourhood. Been a while since I had ice cream too. So thank you."

Chaeyoung's eyes lit like a cozy fireplace, and her dimple appeared like freshly poked cookie dough. "Happy to help."

And now Tzuyu was melodramatic all over again, (but she couldn't help it!). Who could blame her though, when poor neon signs and a faraway moon was their only source of light, yet somehow Chaeyoung still managed to look so ethereal under it all?

Tzuyu could do with the staring for now, while Chaeyoung was preoccupied with making each spoonful of her strawberry ice cream last. Tzuyu could do with letting her thoughts swim too, diving into freestyle through what could be's and what could've been's.

It was overwhelming, really, thinking about how much she'd lost these past years, how much she was going to lose, then about how much she'd gained, and how much she could gain, all from the girl she met last week. Tzuyu smiled unknowingly.

Chaeyoung raised an accusatory brow. "What are you all smiley about?"

Now a witty remark would've been the best answer, the expected answer, but Tzuyu was so lost in the moment that she could only speak the truth, _her_ truth.

"You."

"Oh." Chaeyoung blinked. " _Oh._ "

Tzuyu chuckled. "Yeah, 'oh'."

Chaeyoung scrunched her nose. "Would this be the right time to say you make me all smiley too?"

Tzuyu's smile evolved into a laugh, and her eyes formed little crescent moons, a perfect pair to the stars in Chaeyoung's eyes. "You're ridiculous."

Chaeyoung grinned, functioning enough to not miss this beautiful opportunity to take Tzuyu's hand in her own. "Quite ridiculous, actually."

Her hand was warm, and Tzuyu wished she would've discovered this sooner.

The empty tubs of ice cream were soon discarded, and the _many_ candy bars were stuffed in their jackets for safe keeping. Sadly, the night couldn't last forever.

They hopped in the car, and Chaeyoung ignited the engine. Tzuyu placed her hand over Chaeyoung's, stopping her for a second.

"No offense," Tzuyu began, "like this was really really amazing and all, _you're_ really really amazing, but next time, let's take an Uber."

Too excited over her compliments and the promise of a next time, Chaeyoung completely washed over the insinuation to her driving skills.

"Deal."

And she sealed their 'next time' with a kiss on Tzuyu's cheek, close to the corner of her lips, and lingering still with the taste of strawberry ice cream.

 

* * *

 

Reality hit her harder than before.

It hit her with a death grip on the collar of her jacket and steamy breath all against her face. It hit her with suffocation and a weakness that allowed her feet to be lifted from the floor, limp and useless. It hit her with the sight of her father, the devil incarnate as he showered her with spittle and loathing, listing sin after sin until the words muddled and died into fine white stardust.

"You're not my daughter," he hissed. "You're not the girl I raised. You're just some stranger who likes—" he paused and bit his lip, _hard_ , like his contempt was too much to contain and the drops of red that trickled down his chin was soothing to his spirit. He exhaled, hot and hazy, like a sneak-peek of hell itself. "You're a disgrace who likes _girls_ , and I want you out. One week,  seven days, and I want you gone. And if I _ever_ see you again after that, I swear to God—I swear to _God_ —I'll kill you before you have the chance to do it yourself."  

He pushed her away with enough force to slam her into the dresser, her head banging the drawers and feet tripping over themselves. Not even a flinch was made of him at the sight, a smile at best.

So when he didn't move, she did the only thing she could think to do. She ran.

This was nothing new, nothing surprising, nothing different. But still, she ran, down the stairs and onto her knees at the mercy of her mother.

"Please, _please_ mom," she gasped. She had no more words, no more cries left to plead. Just one word. "Please."

Her mom sighed, but she didn't flinch either. "Your father's right, Chaeyoung. Leave, while you still have the chance."

Chaeyoung really shouldn't have expected anything else. She'd been through this before, but between the tears that blurred her vision and the bruise that snaked around her neck, she couldn't help but to think she saw the smallest drop of sympathy in her mother's eyes. She couldn't help but hope that, if anyone, her own _mother_ for God's sake would be there for her.

But, of course, that wasn't the case. That was never the case. She'd learned that the hard way.

So she stood up, brushed off the dirt from her jeans, and walked away.

The night air was refreshing, and she lit up a cigarette. She blew a ring of smoke with her thoughts placed carefully within the black center. A pause to appreciate its beauty, then she breathed it back in deeply, the smoke and her dreams both, together.

Her eyes were up as her body kept forward.

The only ones who would ever stay for her were unreachable, up above under the protection of the galaxies and the light of the moon.

The stars were the only ones who stayed, the only ones who cared, the only ones who were always there for her. And they were impossible to reach.  

On she walked, past her mailbox, past a vintage blue car, past a billion streetlights. Past everything and nothing, because her eyes never left the stars (and they never left her).

They were impossible to reach, but Chaeyoung could think of one way to do just that.

 

* * *

 

Tzuyu frowned as her steps came to a halt. Chaeyoung wasn't there today.

She made her way to the car anyway, figured if Chaeyoung wanted to come, she would. And if she didn't, then she would wait for her regardless.

Alone to herself, the stars were an awfully enticing view to stare at. And without Chaeyoung to take their place, what better sight was there to see?

The stars were dimmer than the stories wrote them out to be, but the sheer amount of them made up for that fact. They sprinkled the sky like polka dots on a ladybug, and she really couldn't blame Chaeyoung for wanting to live up there. It was beautiful.

Chaeyoung wasn't there today, but Tzuyu would wait for her regardless.

Tzuyu would wait forever when it came to Chaeyoung

 

* * *

 

Tzuyu wasn't sure what time Chaeyoung normally went out, so she came extra early for safety measures.

She was just in time.

They met halfway between a black road and gray cement, on a city-owned patch of grass.

Only a day had been missed, but to Tzuyu it felt like a year. Call her cheesy, but she didn't sleep well last night, or at least not as well as she normally did when prefaced with early morning talks under moonlight. She scuffled her feet, picking up specks of dirt with the toe of her shoe.

"I missed you yesterday," Tzuyu confessed.

Chaeyoung nodded silently. "That makes two of us."

"What's—What's that?" Tzuyu made a motion around her neck. "You got a mark there."

"Oh, that's," Chaeyoung scrambled to hide the marks under her jacket collar, "that's just a rash I got, probably from a scarf or something."

The grimace made her forehead crease. "Put some medicine on that, yeah? Anyway," Tzuyu smirked and stepped a little closer, "you up for another ride?"

Chaeyoung chuckled. "Can _you_ drive? 'Cause if I remember correctly, you said you didn't want me driving anymore."

The timing was uncanny.

An unsuspecting car pulled onto the street, and Tzuyu didn't hesitate to open up the back door.

Chaeyoung squinted. "Is this a kidnapping? Are you kidnapping me, Tzuyu? Because if you are, may I request that we stop by a McDonald's first?"

"Seriously?" Tzuyu expressed. "Wow, you—" she pointed a curious finger, "you really are ridiculous. But no," she sighed, "this isn't a kidnapping. I called in a favor from a friend who can actually drive, so we can go somewhere farther than the 7/11 five blocks away."

"Aw c'mon," Chaeyoung drawled. "Admit it. You loved that 7/11."

"No. I loved the _person_ I was with at the 7/11," Tzuyu corrected, her smirk still very much intact for a solid ten seconds. Then her face fell, and Chaeyoung's fell with it. (Did she just say she _loved_ her?)

But then the car honked its horn and the tension was (thankfully) broken. "Get in, you lovebirds. We don't have all night."

"Actually, Mina, we _do_ have all night. It's in the deal."

Door still open, Tzuyu ushered Chaeyoung into the back seat and followed after.

"Whatever," Mina rolled her eyes. "Same place, right?"

"Right."

"Alright. But before we go, some ground rules." Mina pivoted on the shoulder of the car seat, staring deliberately at her freakishly tall friend.

"Really Mina?" Tzuyu groaned. "You're only like, two years older than me."

"Do you want the ride or not?" She threatened.

Tzuyu raised her hands in defeat.

"That's what I thought. There's only one rule, actually: if you want to make out, wait until we get there." She sighed, as if this wasn't her first rodeo. "Please."

With a salute, Chaeyoung grinned. "Yes, ma'am."

Mina nodded. "That's the spirit. You know, if you were more like your girlfriend Tzuyu, maybe you wouldn't have needed to bribe me to—"

"Just _drive_ already."

"Sorry, sorry," Mina mumbled, turning back around and switching the gears out of park.

A shared moment of held breaths later, past familiar walkways and houses, and they exhaled in unison.

Chaeyoung leaned her head a little closer, talking in a whisper in fear of getting reprimanded by their impromptu Uber driver. "For the record, I just want to point out that Mina said a lot of questionable things, but because I'm a good person, I won't bring up any of it."

Such a statement earned her a glare, but this was Tzuyu, so it wasn't very intimidating. It became even less intimidating when Chaeyoung's body followed its own law of attraction and inched ever so nearer, to the point where her seatbelt strained to keep her in place.

Their eyes locked, heartbeats synced, and Chaeyoung's fingers walked naturally into Tzuyu's hand, like they had one purpose in life and they'd just fulfilled it.

Somehow, as much as it was odd that they didn't share a single word for the rest of the trip, it was just as much perfectly normal. They supposed spending hours under silence had accustomed them to this: to feel right at home with only the other, exactly like this, maybe more, but nothing less.

And before they knew it, the car stopped moving.

Their spell shattered when Mina killed the engine and tossed the keys into the back seats.

Tzuyu picked it up questioningly. "What are you doing?"

The doors unlocked and Mina popped her side open.

"I'm gonna crash at a friend's place nearby. I figured you could use the alone time, anyway." Mina looked from Tzuyu, then to Chaeyoung, and back to Tzuyu. She smiled, sincere, motherly, lovingly. "Enjoy your night."

And with that, she left the car, shut the door close, and gave one last fleeting smile before she disappeared into the shadow, leaving Tzuyu and Chaeyoung with the rest of the world in their hands.

\--

They were parked on a cliff.

The doors opened and they positioned themselves automatically, side by side on the hood of a different car this time, a modern black one. They tilted their heads high and reached for hands low, welcoming the warmth as their fingers laced together. They smiled and stared at the sky.

Aside from miles of foliage, a beaten dirt road, and a clearing big enough to entertain the sights of eternity, it was just the two of them. Whistling birds painted a moving canvas as torn leaves fell to their feet. Frosty air consumed the heat of their bodies as gusts of wind made their hair dance. Butterflies taunted their freedom in aerial spirals and swanlike dives right in front of them, straight past their view in the blink of an eye.

Chaeyoung was the first to break the silence. "So how'd you find this place?"

"It's where I bury the bodies."

She hit Tzuyu accordingly at that and scoffed. "And you said _I_ was the ridiculous one."

Tzuyu grinned. "I don't remember how I found it. I've just kind of always known it was here."

"Well, thank you for bringing me here." Chaeyoung snuggled a little closer, unlatching their fingers so she could wrap her arms around Tzuyu's. "It's beautiful."

"No problem."

Tzuyu smiled, looking down at the head settled comfortably on her shoulder, and feeling giddy at the affection. But, deciding she could stare another time, she reverted her gaze to the sky.

She looked around, really took her time to appreciate the power of the earth in its natural element. So much motion all around them, and yet they didn't have a single thing to do with it.

Everywhere, it seemed nature was putting in its cardio for the day. Everywhere, except up.

The stars stayed where they were, with the moon in their center to keep them all together. The stars always stayed where they were; it's what they counted on them for.

"You know ever since I met you," Tzuyu began, "every time I look at the stars, I think of you." She paused. "That…admittedly sounded better in my head, but the meaning's still there, right? What I'm trying to say is that, even though we haven't known each other for too long, you've somehow managed to become a really important person to me, Chae," she confessed. "You're a mystery, and every night I look forward to seeing you. Maybe you'll have a cigarette in your mouth, maybe you'll have a whole container of strawberries for all I know," she chuckled. "I barely know you, but for some reason, you make me feel…worthy? Is that the right word? You comfort me, make me feel cared for. Dare I say it, you make me feel loved. You're ridiculous, and yet you—"

She felt shaking around her arm, and she nudged Chaeyoung a tad to tease her.

"Hey! Stop laughing!" Tzuyu whined. "I was trying to have a moment."

The shaking didn't stop and Tzuyu groaned louder.

"You see this is why I can't—"

Chaeyoung stopped shaking, and in the break it didn't sound like she was laughing.

"Chae?" Tzuyu furrowed her brows. "What's wrong?"

She looked down closely, but their height difference proved it difficult for Tzuyu to see anything but a bed of tousled hair and the shoulders of a wrinkled denim jacket.

Softer, lighter, she tried again. "Chae?"

Chaeyoung's chest expanded and shrunk with the flow of a deep breath. Another one, and she finally lifted her head from Tzuyu's shoulder, looking up clearly to show her eyes brimming with unshed tears. But at the first sight of Tzuyu's worry, she crumpled back into the confines of her shoulder, _laughing_ out of all things.

"You're ridiculous too, Tzuyu. Too good to be true." Chaeyoung sniffled, her body tensing and untensing in the rhythm of her chuckles. "I'm really lucky to have you."

Her words were muffled, but Tzuyu heard them clear as day.

They stayed like that for a while, Tzuyu trying her best to rub soothing circles along Chaeyoung's side with her other arm. They stayed like that for a while, Tzuyu staring fondly at this girl who meant more to her than she knew, than either of them knew. They stayed like that for a while, Tzuyu feeling happier than she had in ages, so much to the point that she forgot the feeling of it.

With her free hand, a calm hand, Tzuyu pointed her fingers and latched them onto Chaeyoung's chin, slowly raising her head until they met each other's eyes. She smiled. "I'm really lucky to have you, too."

It was an attempt to lift their moods, but at her reciprocation, Chaeyoung broke down even further—but they were happy tears. For once, she was shedding happy tears. She choked out more sobs and wrapped her arms around Tzuyu's entire waist, her tears wetting different parts of her clothes as she clung for dear life.

In their embrace, Tzuyu found it much easier to comfort Chaeyoung like this, locking her in with as much security as she could muster. With both her arms this time, Tzuyu hugged her back just as tightly, patting her shoulders and transferring sweet nothings through the actions of her touch.

They stayed like that for a while, until Chaeyoung's tears faded into mild sobs, then into quiet breaths, stable. Their holds loosened and they pulled away, far enough to establish eye contact, but close enough to keep their hands intertwined.

Tzuyu squeezed their hands, looking at her with so much sincerity she almost cried again. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Chaeyoung scoffed and wiped her eyes clean. "Isn't that supposed to be my line?" She huffed and looked straight ahead, at the girl who meant more to her than she knew, than either of them knew. "But yeah, I do want to talk about it. Can you go first though, if it's not too much to ask?"

The wind swept their hair into a craze, but it didn't sweep the smile off Tzuyu's face. "Of course. Anything for you."

And so Chaeyoung moved back to her rightful place by Tzuyu's side, hand in hand, both perched upon a modern black car. They stared into the distance as their problems unfolded, a feat not as daunting as it seemed when the right person was sat beside them to listen through it all.

Tzuyu went first, and she talked of family. Her parents were never on equal waters, and when Tzuyu was born, the tides only rose. They decided they would stick it out until she was eighteen, though, for her sake. But by the time she was sixteen, their whole ship was on the verge of being capsized. There was always anger, always screaming, always hatred between the two. Tzuyu got used to that; she got used to hiding herself in her room until it stopped being loud or she eventually fell asleep. What she didn't get used to was the violence.

Her father would yell about the burden Tzuyu was becoming, and her mother would yell right back about the burden _he_ was becoming. Her father would take a porcelain plate and throw it at the wall, and her mother would grab a glass cup and throw it at his feet. The back and forth was endless, almost every night without fail, without end.

It was scary, but Tzuyu couldn't do anything about it. Because she still loved her parents, still wanted her parents to be there for her. How could she not? It was her only wish. Her parents didn't want her back, though. As much as they hated the other, the thought of carrying Tzuyu through the rest of her life was even worse.

So on her eighteenth birthday, just as promised, they announced that they'd be leaving her for good at the end of the year. (One hell of a birthday present, if you asked her.) In the meantime though, she still had to endure their bottomless pit of torn vocal cords and shattering objects.

"As much as I want it all to end," Tzuyu clenched her fists, "I want them to stay. I know it's stupid, and they don't even love me. But for some God forsaken reason, I love them. And it really _really_ hurts that, when they leave for good, it'll be so easy for them. To them, it'll be a relief."

A leaf floated past their bodies as Chaeyong absorbed Tzuyu's story.

A "Well, damn," was the best she could come up with. It gave Tzuyu a light chuckle, so it wasn't the worst response she could've given.

"Your turn."

"Right." Chaeyoung took a deep breath, looked for reassurance in Tzuyu's eyes, found it, and exhaled. "Okay, here it goes."

Chaeyoung talked of her family, too. Her parents were pretty good to her, actually. Her father was a military man, strict with his teachings and conservative with his mindset. Her mother was a submissive woman, quiet and abiding, but never a maker of trouble. Sure, they weren't ideal, but it wasn't terrible. It wasn't terrible at all.

Everything went to hell when she came out to them.

Her father didn't speak to her for a month, _refused_ to accept the mere possibility that his one and only daughter could be gay. Her mother wasn't any better. All she did was sit and say nothing, let all the problems play in real time as she remained in the past.

After a month of agonizing silence later, her father's first course of action was to spit curses in her face and slap her across the cheek, in broad daylight under the open gaze of her mother. He sizzled down after that, thinking his one hit was enough to smack some sense into her. Another month went by, and still, no one spoke. Another month, her cheek still stung and Chaeyoung decided she hated her family. Another month, and Chaeyoung found a new family, a new home, both in the stars and around the smoke of her cigarettes.

It seemed as if everything went back to normal after that. Chaeyoung didn't speak of her sexuality again, and in return, her father wasn't glaring daggers at her every second of every day. It seemed as if everything went back to normal, until her father had one too much to drink and it all came crashing down.

She spared the details, but the first time he slapped her, multiplied by about a hundred, summed up the rest of her years, all the way to today.

Tzuyu stared at her with teary eyes, and Chaeyoung made sure to leave out the threat her father gave to her two days ago, an ultimatum of literal life or death.

"So I'm guessing that isn't really a rash around your neck?"

Chaeyoung's hand shot up instinctively to touch the bruised skin. She let her hand fall down and shook her head. "No, it isn't."

Tzuyu nodded, speechless, and in a wordless agreement they let both of their stories sink in as they turned their heads away.

For the longest time, Chaeyoung tried really hard to block out her father's threat, used all her willpower, all her strength, all her being. She tried her hardest to think only of now, of the perfect scenery and the stars watching over them, of how warm she felt by Tzuyu's side, of Tzuyu herself and her ethereal smile. She tried her hardest, she really did, to think of all the good things in her life. But her hardest wasn't good enough, because at the smallest of movements her neck ached, at every turn her thoughts were infected with the hateful screams of her father, and she just couldn't wrap her head around the fact that she had only a week to get the hell out of there.

She took a deep breath.

One week, but there were other times to think about that. For now though, with Tzuyu so close to her heart and the stars to keep her safe, she could enjoy the night while she still had it, nice and untarnished in the palm of her hand.

"You know," Chaeyoung tilted her head, "we're like opposites, you and I. It's kind of funny."

Tzuyu squinted. "How so?"

"Well, in summation, you want your parents, but they don't want you. I _don't_ want my parents, and they don't want me either."

Tzuyu frowned. "How is that funny?"

"It's not," Chaeyoung stated, face falling back into seriousness, "but sometimes saying things out loud makes them easier to accept."

Her lips were tight, a white line against her paling skin, and Tzuyu had a feeling they weren't as different as she made them out to be.

No. They were just the same.

Around them, light was their only darkness, yet somehow the two of them were shining at their brightest. Sparks reflected off the buttons of Chaeyoung's denim jacket, off the curves of her hoop earrings, off the embers crackling in her eyes.

Tzuyu stared at her, studied her, the way her lips parted in newfound fascination, how her jaw clenched at the sudden breeze, when she closed her eyes with every sigh, and when those eyes opened up to look right back at her.

Around them, darkness was their only light, yet somehow the two of them were shining at their brightest. Fires danced between touching fingertips, waters wept at glossy stares, air swam in heightening breaths, and the earth synced with pounding hearts.

Tzuyu stared at her, truly, madly, deeply, perfectly, unlike any time before. She stared, straight through her eyes, like she was in love with her, (and maybe she was).

Pouring out their stories joined them even closer than midnight walks and midnight talks, than bitter smoke and delectable fruit. It made them feel good, made them feel heard, made them feel understood. They didn't know they needed this, someone else who could empathize with all their pains, but at the same time, be the cause of all their happiness, their only happiness. They didn't know they needed it until they had it, and somehow that made it even better, joined them even closer together.

The thought didn't come from nowhere. It came from the farthest extent of the stars, the closest touch of their bodies, and the deepest beat of their hearts.

Tzuyu stared at Chaeyoung, exactly like she was in love, as her mouth opened to free pent up desires and bottled up words. She smiled. "Can I kiss you?"

And Chaeyoung smiled back as she leaned in for a much awaited, sweet and heavenly, star-flavored kiss. "Yes."

It tasted like hope. It felt like a shooting star flying by to grant all their wishes, or perhaps a rainstorm to wash away all their doubts and fears. It was freedom.

And so they kissed, under a billion stars that stayed just where they were, with the moon in their center to keep them all together. They pulled even closer, and they kissed away all their insecurities, all their what if's, all their darkness, all their evil, until only their bared souls remained.

They kissed, and like magic, everything felt like they would turn out just fine. Like they would all be okay.

Chaeyoung exhaled as they fell apart, eyes still closed and lips still savoring the softness of it all. She sighed and looked back up, back to where the possibilities of 'okay' started.

Tzuyu kept her eyes on Chaeyoung, where the possibilities of _her_ 'okay' started.

"I want to live with the stars," Chaeyoung echoed.

"I know."

"When I go—"

"Promise I won't miss you too much?" Tzuyu smirked.

Chaeyoung smiled. "No. When I go to the stars, will you come with me?"

There was a lot of weight to that for some reason, a seemingly innocent question on the thoughts of the impossible, like her answer would determine the course of fate, right then and there. A lot of weight, a lot of responsibility, a lot of unspoken meanings and hopes.

A lot of everything.

But Tzuyu was drawing blanks.

She looked into Chaeyoung's eyes for an answer, the right answer, searched fervently for any hints as to what she should say. She didn't know why she did that; she knew deep down exactly what to say.

But Tzuyu was scared.

She looked at their hands, warm in the cosset of the other, unmistakably shaped to match in harmony. She heard the atmosphere, silent, expectant, worried. She smelled the air, each gust of wind carrying with it the familiar scent of strawberries and cigarettes. She felt the hope radiate like sunshine out of Chaeyoung's bite-sized body, and out of all these senses and feelings, Chaeyoung herself was what calmed her down the most.

But Tzuyu was so lost in the moment that she could only speak the truth, _her_ truth.

But Tzuyu was still drawing blanks, and all she could do was blink and whisper, "I don't know."

\--

They spoke once after that.

Despite the heater, the car was still colder than they were used to, and shivers cursed Tzuyu's body.

"Are you cold?" Chaeyoung asked.

When another shiver followed, Chaeyoung chuckled and shrugged off her denim jacket, wrapping it securely around Tzuyu's arms and chest.

Tzuyu muttered a brief "thank you" and sighed into the denim, letting the intoxicating scent of bittersweetness lull her to sleep.

And sleep she did, in the back seat of a modern black car, her fingers still tangled with Chaeyuong's and their hearts still synced, but maybe not as perfectly as before.

(Chaeyoung didn't sleep. She couldn't. So she stared at Tzuyu for the rest of the night, committing each and every detail of her to memory for safekeeping.

Just in case.)

\--

Mina came back in the morning to drive them home. She had enough sense to not talk, either. (Tzuyu made a note to thank her later.)

They were dropped off in front of Tzuyu's house, and Mina drove away without time for a proper goodbye.

Chaeyoung shuffled her feet, kicking up dirt in the strange daylight, apparently ready to walk her separate way, but Tzuyu stopped her early.

"Wait. Your jacket."

Tzuyu started to pull her arms out of the sleeves, but Chaeyoung's hand came firmly over her own.

"Keep it," Chaeyoung offered, already in the motion to sling Tzuyu's arms back inside the denim. "To remember me by."

Tzuyu huffed, but the jacket stayed on this time. She remained unaffected by the difference in Chaeyoung's tone. "Fine. I'll give it back next time. Till then?"

A pause.

Then Chaeyoung smiled, got up on her toes, and planted a sweet kiss on Tzuyu's lips.

"Yeah. Till then."

 

* * *

 

One week. Seven days.

Seven days, he said?

Chaeyoung was gone in three.

 

* * *

 

Tzuyu hugged the denim jacket close to her body, anxious jitters coursing through her veins as she walked a familiar sidewalk to a vintage blue car.

There wasn't a person in sight, but she shrugged it off and hopped on the hood.

Chaeyoung would show up later. She was sure of it.

In the meantime, though, she could do with the bittersweet scent of Chaeyoung's jacket and the stars to keep her company.

She stayed all night.

(Chaeyoung never showed.)

 

* * *

 

It was no big deal.

They'd both skipped some nights in the past. This was no different.

She would try again today.

 

* * *

 

Three days, and she was starting to get concerned.

With her back leaning on metal, she pulled out her phone and opened her messages.

_tzuyu [3:27 am]: chae where are you?_

_tzuyu [3:27 am]: i'm worried_

She bit her lip, unable to control the way her leg shook endlessly.

_tzuyu [3:34 am]: please, just tell me you're okay_

She made a fist.

_tzuyu [3:36 am]: please_

She sighed and put her phone away.

Maybe next time.

 

* * *

 

Her parents had another argument.

She stayed in that night.

But something told her she wouldn't be missed.

 

* * *

 

_tzuyu [2:55 am]: chaeyoung please_

_tzuyu [2:55 am]: just tell me you're okay_

 

* * *

 

She stayed in the next night too. And the night after that. And the night after that.

But not because of her parents this time.

It took Tzuyu two weeks before she caved in.

Donning that same denim jacket, with that same bittersweet smell, she walked the streets of this blue neighbourhood.

She stopped just shy of the vintage blue car, unsurprised to see the vacant hood. But instead of going any farther, she turned on her heel and headed a different direction, to a house very close by.

One breath, and she knocked on the door.

Two beats, and the door opened.

Three steps, and they were face to face.

"Hello?" The woman asked.

Tzuyu fidgeted with the hem of her sleeve. "Are you—Are you Momo?"

"Yeah." Momo tilted her head. "Why?"

Tzuyu's leg wouldn't stop shaking, and her hands kept picking at the imaginary dirt beneath the beds of her fingernails. "Do you, by any chance, know anything about Chaeyoung."

"Why?" she asked again.

"Sorry, I'm—I'm Tzuyu. Chaeyoung and I are…um," she frowned. (What exactly were they?) She wasn't sure, but she settled for something simple. "We're friends, and I haven't seen her for a while, so I was hoping you might know."

"Oh. You're," a hand rose in recognition, "you're the girl who's always out there with her, aren't you? Almost every night?"

Tzuyu frowned even more, this time out of confusion. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

Momo eased up and relaxed her body against the doorframe. "Well, before you came around, I used to go out there with her sometimes, just so she wouldn't be alone you know. Then one night, I saw you with her and figured she found someone better to keep her company."

"So do you know what happened to her?" Tzuyu's eyes lit up with hope and her leg shook even faster.

Momo furrowed her brow. "She didn't tell you?"

Her leg stilled. "Tell me what?"

The way Momo's face fell as she sighed was anything but a good omen. "A couple weeks ago, Chaeyoung came here and asked me to give her a ride to the subway station."

"Well, where did she go?" Tzuyu pressed, her blood pumping warm and her breath growing shallow.

"I'm sorry. I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Tzuyu borderline shouted. She tensed all around, made a fist, and vaguely, she thought she felt something trickle down the palm of her hand at the mercy of a piercing fingernail. "She can't just leave like that! She can't just—" she took a deep breath. "Do you at least know when she'll come back?"

Momo's eyes were genuine, kind, and full of pity. "I'm sorry, but she had a suitcase with her when she left. I'm sorry," she repeated as she closed the door, "but I don't think she's coming back."

 

* * *

 

The sky was brighter than normal—for nighttime, that is.

Atop a vintage blue car sat an equally vintage girl.

The denim jacket did more than look good on her, with its hand-stitched initials on the right sleeve and the black burnt marks on the left wing. More than that, it kept her warm.

The sky was definitely brighter than normal.

The stars up above did more than look pretty, too, with their infinite brothers and sisters, and the moon in their center to keep them all together. More than that, they gave her a home.   

Chaeyoung wasn't there today, hadn't been there in ages, but Tzuyu would wait for her regardless.

Tzuyu would wait forever when it came to Chaeyoung

But then Tzuyu got to thinking.

On their second night, Chaeyoung said she stayed with the stars because they stayed with her.

Tzuyu stayed with her too, just like them, up and down through everything, she stayed with her, but Chaeyoung still left. (She supposed she got the answer to that question.)

So at this, she proposed a new question. To this, Tzuyu questioned the reality of the stars, whether or not they were actually real, or if they were just an illusion, much like who Chaeyoung seemed to have become.

(Forever, it turned out, capped at a year, when Tzuyu finally shrugged off that denim jacket and placed it in her drawer, burying it deep under other lost articles.

It wasn't like she needed it, anyway.)

(Chaeyoung never came back.)

 

* * *

 

_~_

_present_

_~_

 

Tzuyu felt the tears drip down before she could wipe them away. They landed squarely on the black patch of the denim jacket, like some sick form of symmetry.

Five years, and nothing had changed.

Long nights, daydreams, sugar and smoke rings. But strawberries and cigarettes would always taste like her.

Five years, and everything was still the same.

She was about to fold it back, shove it once more into the deep confines of her drawer.

But then there was a knock at her door, so she tucked the jacket beneath her arm and walked to the sound. (She didn't have her parents around to scare her away anymore.)

She opened the door, and suddenly her breath hitched and her hands shook. She looked up, and suddenly, just like that, the past five years meant nothing to her.

"Chaeyoung."

Chaeyoung smiled. "Tzuyu."

(Forever, it turned out, was five years.)

\--

"Chae," Tzuyu's shoulders fell, but they kept their tension. "What are you doing here?"

"It was about time I came back, I guess." Chaeyoung kept her smile, a small one, but it was genuine, and only that.

"Five years wasn't long enough?" Tzuyu grimaced, at herself, at Chaeyoung. She wasn't sure what came over her, but half a decade of mourning over God knows what, then a face to face meeting with the one person she never thought she'd see again? Yeah. It brought some raw emotions.

A white line was made of Chaeyoung's lips, tight and accepting. "I deserved that."

But then Tzuyu sighed, and the anger dissipated as quickly as it came, replaced with a tired sadness only a hell of a lot of waiting could prompt. "Really. What are you doing here?"

"Well, I was in the neighbourhood, so I figured I'd stop by."

Tzuyu was at a loss for words. She could only look at her, but that seemed to be enough.

Chaeyoung rocked on the balls of her feet, nervous, guilty, vulnerable. "I—I wanted to see you," she confessed. She released a big breath. "I missed you, Tzuyu. I missed you a lot."

And at that, Tzuyu's anger flared back up like a firework in a thunderstorm. "I missed you too, but I wasn't the one who just decided to fuck off without any warning whatsoever."

Chaeyoung was about to interrupt, but Tzuyu kept on going.

"You _left,_ Chae. Just like that." Tzuyu snapped her fingers for extra effect. "You left, and you didn't say _anything_. You didn't respond to my texts, you didn't leave me a note. You didn't even tell Momo where you were going, but she was too nice to ask you anything." With her free hand, Tzuyu wiped the frustration away from her face, wiped away her mask to truly reveal just how desperate she was, something she'd been for so long. "Do you have _any_ idea how worried I was? Any idea? I waited a year for you, Chae. A year. I feel like a fool for admitting that now, but sometimes saying things out loud makes them easier to accept, right? Remember that?"

"Tzuyu, I—"

"Jesus Christ." Tzuyu ran her fingers through her hair, pulling out at least a handful of strands in the process. "I really thought we had something, you know that? I really thought we had something…but I guess I thought wrong."  

Chaeyoung shook her head violently, forcing her eyes shut in an attempt to take it all in. But instead of replying to any of the things she had just heard, she went ahead and shed some new light. "I quit smoking."

"And what exactly am I supposed to do with this information?"

Chaeyoung fiddled with the hem of her shirt, perhaps a new thing for her to fidget with after her cigarettes were no more. "Do you remember what I said would have had to happen first before I quit?"

"Yeah, I do," Tzuyu said, almost regretfully. Almost. "It was the same day you walked me home for the first time."

"I got my life together, Tzuyu. Sure, it took me five years, but I got it together." Chaeyoung locked their eyes, poured everything she felt into them and praying it was enough to get her message across. "Now I can stand here and tell you everything you want to know, but I was thinking—I was _hoping_ that we could go somewhere else instead. Somewhere better."

Tzuyu sighed, and she looked into Chaeyoung's eyes for an answer. An answer to what? She wasn't sure, but she searched fervently for something, anything, everything. And when she only found sincerity, her resolve crumbled into nothing, like fine white stardust. (It wasn't as if the things Chaeyoung made her feel ever truly left, anyway.)

"Did you have a place in mind?" Tzuyu offered. "Also, with what car?"

Chaeyoung smiled, her silent 'thank you', before stepping aside to reveal the small blue car she came here with. "Well, as a matter of face, I can drive now, too." She took Tzuyu's hand in her own, something that still felt so natural despite the years that weighed between them. "And yeah, I do have a place in mind. There's a 7/11 not too far from here. And if I remember correctly, they have this amazing strawberry ice cream."

Tzuyu stared at their intertwined fingers, then at the one girl she'd been waiting for all this time, then back at their hands, feeling a type of warmth she hadn't had in so long she forgot the feeling of it. "Well then," she allowed herself a smile, "what are we waiting for?"

Chaeyoung grinned.

Their youth was back in a snap.

"Oh, before we go," Tzuyu reached for the denim jacket tucked underneath her arm. "I believe this belongs to you."

And at the reveal, Chaeyoung couldn't contain a gasp.

"You kept it," she muttered, more to herself than to Tzuyu.

"Of course I kept it." Tzuyu helped the jacket around Chaeyoung's shoulders, letting her touch linger for a second longer than necessary. "I said I'd give it to you the next time we met. I mean sure, it only took you a billion years, but you said it yourself. You feel safe in it, and who was I to take that away from you?"

Chaeyoung gaped, and right then and there, she really couldn't control the amount of love she felt for Tzuyu in that moment.

"You're ridiculous," she breathed.

"I know."

And then they were off, hand in hand for a drive down memory lane.

 

* * *

 

The ice cream tasted better than they remembered, but maybe that had something to do with the long lost company.

It was just like the first time, the two of them perched upon the hood of Chaeyoung's small blue car, side by side as they brought spoonfuls of ice cream into their mouths.

The sun had just set, bid its farewell to a brightly lit day as the moon greeted its hello to a brightly lit night. Like a curtain unveiling its best view, the stars slowly winked to life, one by one, two by two, three by three, until the entire sky was showering them with dazzling wishes and attainable dreams.

But before there was sound, there was silence. Silence, to appreciate the sights only seen.

Tzuyu took this chance to its fullest.

She stared at Chaeyoung, at her intricacies, her subtleties, her beauty, noticing details so small only nights of observation could unfold them.

The same round eyes reflecting only purity and hope, the same dimple etched so deep it'd take mountains to wash it away. The same denim jacket, two sizes too big, with the same white stitches and black cigarette burns. The same denim jacket, even after all this time, still carrying with it the same intoxicating scent of strawberries—and only of strawberries.

Tzuyu smiled, and her eyes formed crescent moons, the perfect complement to Chaeyoung's star-filled eyes.

Chaeyoung sighed and set her empty tub of ice cream down, Tzuyu soon following suit.

"Right," Chaeyoung began. "Okay, here it goes. So before I left—"

"Tell me later," Tzuyu interrupted.

Chaeyoung looked at her questioningly. "But—"

"Tell me later," Tzuyu repeated as she laced her fingers with Chaeyoung's. "For now, I just want to enjoy this."

"Oh." Chaeyoung smiled, soft, genuine, ethereal, and giddy at the unspoken promise of a 'next time'. "Okay."

(In the back of Tzuyu's mind, she knew she didn't need an explanation. Who was she kidding? She'd forgiven Chaeyoung a long time ago. Five years ago, to be exact.)

"Okay," Tzuyu echoed.

And so they did just that, enjoyed the night, enjoyed the company, and enjoyed the sky as the rest of the day passed them by.

\--

Tzuyu stared at Chaeyoung, sincerely, fondly, crazily, perfectly, just like she did before. She stared, straight through her eyes, exactly like she was in love with her, (and she was).

"Ask me again," Tzuyu said.

Chaeyoung squinted. "I didn't ask you anything, though."

"Five years ago you did," Tzuyu pressed, and Chaeyoung quickly caught on. "Five years ago, you asked me a question, and I said 'I don't know'." A pause. "Ask me again."

And for the first time that night, there was a shadow of hesitance that clouded Chaeyoung's eyes. Doubt, fear, angst, but still, one look at Tzuyu, one look at herself, and her hope bloomed like a fresh plume of smoke. She took a deep breath, calming her heart and steadying her dreams.

One squeeze between their intertwined hands, one look of unadulterated trust and unity, and Chaeyoung grinned, feeling the confidence travel from the stars in the sky to the stars in her eyes.

Chaeyoung stayed with the stars because they stayed with her, but Tzuyu stayed with her, too. Chaeyoung wanted to live with the stars because they became her home, but maybe taking Tzuyu along for the ride was the missing piece she never knew she needed.

"When I go to the stars, will you come with me?"

Tzuyu smiled as she leaned in for a much long overdue, sweet and heavenly, strawberry-flavored kiss.

"Yes."

**Author's Note:**

> well would you look at that, a happy ending for once, and a proper ending at that lol
> 
> this was by far my longest fic ever, so if you made it to the end, congratulations
> 
> i'll continue to work on improving my writing so i can keep on making these longer fics
> 
> in the meantime though, i'll probably go back to my shorter one-shots
> 
> thank you for reading <3
> 
> twitter: @_am_y22


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